the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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