If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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