Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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