how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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