guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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