guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
