You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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