i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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