my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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