What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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