The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
