we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
