I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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