He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
