Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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