Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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