Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
