this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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