I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
