so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
