so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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