Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize