were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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