Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
