maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He felt like a one man threesome
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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