i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
