TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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