he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
