Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're breaking my sexual little heart
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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