I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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