I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
