But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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