white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
