So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
