Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
