He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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