well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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