I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
