I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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