Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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