I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
