His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just had sex on a roof
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
