apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
