I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
