spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Mom said you looked used
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
