K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
