Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
