I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
