she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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