I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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