babies were throwing up all over the place
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
