this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
