Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
