The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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