Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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