Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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