He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I puked a lego.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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