from now on my penis is your penis
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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