so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
