I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
