i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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