My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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