I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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