wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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